My fear of writing…
I think it started at the beginning of junior high school. I excelled in the visual arts and it appears to me that because I received kudos for my accomplishments I concentrated my efforts in that direction. I realize now that my inability to spell canceled an avenue of expression that I now welcome with open arms, creative writing. Oh ya, I sucked at math too. Anyway, my fear of ridicule for the gross ways I assembled letters into words made writing, especially creative writing, something I avoided at any cost.
What changed? It wasn’t that the wiring in my brain changed it’s that someone(s) created spell check and the machines to make spell check easily accessible to me. Now I know that those of you who have braved my writings have noticed that from time to time the wrong word appears, the wrong word being spelled correctly, but all the same it’s not the right word. That’s because, and it’s hard for me to say this, I don’t know the difference.
My oldest son is following my creation of my first novel The Boy Scout (Dragon’s Son) and one of his first comments was “Dad, you seem to be using the wrong words all the time. What’s up with that?” All I can tell him is because I really don’t know the difference. “That’s why you read it for me, to find and point out these errors. My job is to imagine and develop the story.”
So to everyone who reads my work and asks “Is that the right word? Is that what you really wanted to say? That’s awkward; you might want to consider rewriting it.” And to those who brought me spell check and the marvelous creations to wield it I give you heart felt thanks.